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明星举牌照素材 包凡一美国本科文书 避免素材的理解歧义

2015年7月31日 16:54:31   阅读(419)

华晨宇粉丝举牌照-加油!


精彩内容:

按语:

很多同学无论在申请文书阶段或者今后工作的面试阶段,总会举例说一些自己克服困难的能力,这当然很好,但是如果你举的例子可能引起理解上的“歧义”,而说清楚、澄清又需要耗时费力,这样的素材是需要留意思考的,这样的误解“桥段”在小品戏剧中经常出现,而生活中还是尽量避免吧:

ZS 是一个非常阳光开朗的男孩,国家二级运动员,排球属于二传领队角色,游泳是各种全能。参加过国内外一些比赛,还曾经和游泳冠军孙杨一起训练过。学生是单亲家庭,完全由母亲抚养大。孩子的妈妈和孩子都非常乐观开朗。在国外单亲妈妈非常普遍,很多妈妈其实是不需要另外一个人去帮助她抚养孩子,无论是从经济实力上,社会观念和认可度上,对于国外的单亲妈妈和孩子来讲,是没有什么压力的。

所以,我们最后讨论的结果就是:没有必要让自己“不同”成长经历作为主打文书,而更应该将最重要的文书来展现孩子的运动经历。

在一篇小文书的写作中,孩子想展现孩子克服困难,把握机会的品质,于是根据学生提供的素材:为了抓住去国外参加青少年排球交流大赛的机会,学生在自己脚踝突然出现一个小外伤的情况下带病坚持训练,并最终抓住了机会,现在这个外伤已彻底痊愈。

素材固然很棒而且也很特别,但是却会让招生官有一个非常大的猜忌 ——

学校非常希望能够找到有特长的孩子,比如体育、音乐、表演等。但是如果你在文书中看到孩子是有伤痛历史的,你会不会非常担心招进来的这个孩子有可能面临着非常不稳定的体育生涯呢?回答是会的!如果大家多去关注一些美国关于励志的体育题材电影你会发现,一个职业少年体育经纪人在发现了一个有潜力的体育天才之后,第一件马上需要弄清楚的是:这个孩子是否有伤痛历,是否无法恢复?因为这个直接关系到这个孩子之后会有怎样能够的职业生涯和“商业”价值。同理适用于在招特长生的录取上。所以在这一点上我们和孩子家长进行了沟通,让他们了解这个展现可能带来的负面影响,于是在文书中将其淡化处理。试想:如果没有这一层的考虑,那很有可能这个孩子的体育特长将不会是任何优势。

关于展现成长经历:我们并没有全盘否定孩子作为在单亲家庭长大的孩子所经历的不一样的生活故事,也并没有过多去渲染这个背景,更多的是从孩子自己看世界的角度去慢慢理解自己和别人不太一样的地方。也就是所谓的世俗的眼光往往都是片面的。换句话说,我们并没有打算用这个故事去赚取眼泪,而是希望招生官看到一个阳光开朗有担当的男孩是如何“炼”成的。

他的文书非常生动并且字里行间带着浓浓的爱意和正能量!

申请专业:数学或应用数学

学生背景:

高中:大连某中学

SAT: 1880 (阅读510)

TOEFL: 96 (口语:22)

录取学校:

University of Wisconsin-Madison

UC-SB

UC-DAVIS

St. Lawrence University (每年20000美金奖学金)

Common Statement

As a chubby child, whenever I played with the other neighborhood kids, I was always left behind, gasping for breath. At football, they made me the goalie. I remember my grandfather and mother watching me play and frowning, wondering how on earth the strong sports DNA of our family had come to rest in such an uncoordinated body.

To this day, my grandfather plays tennis wonderfully and competes in citywide seniors tournaments. My mother was an agile swimmer and star volley baller in college. Despite my early disappointments, though, they didn’t give up on me. When I was five, they gave me a floating board and dropped me in the water. Each night, my grandfather would cut a piece off the board, until one day there was no board left. The next day, I jumped in the pool, spat up water, and kicked my legs furiously, gasping for air. When I calmed down, I found I could swim without support. From then on, I’ve loved swimming. 5000 meters daily makes one tough and perseverant. Academic and social troubles pale, and one grows more confident and tenacious in others aspects of life.

If swimming was one half of my life, volleyball was the other. I was selected by the municipal physical education program to play volleyball when I was nine years old, though I could barely return a serve. Still, I got the hang of it. Years later, practicing before a national competition, the team was playing terribly and the coach called me out personally. I “lost it” and screamed at him. He benched me, of course. When our team played even worse, I felt terribly guilty. I swallowed my pride, apologized to the coach and begged to be allowed back in the game. I played my heart out. We won third place, and the whole team cried and hugged each other. I realized then that it doesn’t matter how many times you fall down in life, but whether you can find the courage to keep getting up. Success belongs to those who persevere.

In my sophomore year, I was selected as one of 25 Dalian representatives to attend the Asia Pacific P.E. Cultural Conference in Russia. I practiced harder than ever and sprained my right ankle a week before we left. Not wanting to miss the opportunity, I insisted on being allowed to go. During the games, I choked back the pain and struggled to play to the last minute because we were shorthanded. In the end, we won second place and I won three silver medals in the swimming events. Afterwards, we became good friends with the Russians.

This is the true spirit of sports, to inspire people and make them struggle to be better than they ever thought they could be. That, for me, is real accomplishment.

Common Additional Essay

Ever since the day I was born, my grandfather substituted for my father. I was told later that my mother was the only wife who did not have a husband beside her. It was said that perhaps I had realized how hard it was for my mother to give birth to me without the presence of my biological father, and therefore I came with a polite attitude and full of joy. Every time I get questions such as “Where is your father?”, I always reply, “He went overseas, my grandpa and I are taking care of my mother right now.” My mother always said that I was like a lucky charm to her, that I somehow stimulated her full potential in pursuing her career. By the time I was seven, she had become the head of her department. Sometimes she would take me along to her office and meetings, where she introduced me as the pillar that supports the house, the man of our family, a true hero to her.

By the time I was nine years old, another man came into our peaceful little life. He was the captain of my mother’s volleyball team back in university. He had recently divorced and moved back to China from Japan. Back then, I was old enough to realize that my mother needed a company just like I needed a warm home. The man cooked for us, taught me how to increase my efficiency in study, took good care of us, and therefore all my memories of him were positive. Most importantly though, he was a former national selection volleyball player, and it was him that brought me into the world of volleyball.

We used to play volleyball whenever we had free time. He taught me all the proper moves and positions and later I was told that I had a lot of potential for volleyball. Later I continued to pursue my sporting career in volleyball and professional swimming.

I knew from the bottom of my heart that I wanted this man to become part of my life and our family, but my mother seemed to keep me out of the loop, not acknowledging him in my presence. It was not until one winter that we went snowboarding, in the mountain restaurant when the waiter identified him as my father and I happily admitted it, that I saw my mother’s guard soften.

I have always seen myself as a bridge builder. During my senior high school year, my father had a big fight with my mother. My mother actually shared her thoughts with me during the fight, and soon after that I realized that I was no longer the little child. I knew that I was capable and most importantly obligated to resolve this problem, for me and for the family. Both of them took my advice, had a long talk and eventually forgave each other.

I would like to thank the two men who came to define my life. I would also like thank my mother, for without her, I would never have understood the responsibility of being a man in a family and in society.


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